Poem – “Useless”

womb

 

Useless // by Jennifer Patino

 

There’s a lot I know I’ll never have the heart to say. That phrase doesn’t make much sense to me. “I don’t have the heart…” It’s always said before something terrible. If one indeed had a heart, wouldn’t they feel no need to commit such deeds,

that would warrant a hard heart, a lack there of,
some terrible need?

There’s a lot I let lie there, be it as it may. I let some things rot. Reek of decay. Eventually dust, bones, a stain. There’s a lot you can cover up if you finish before it rains. The Earth sees all secrets.

Will you search blindly, through every pile of fresh
new dirt, with an edge that finally doesn’t hurt?

There’s a lot that can grow from the infertile. Anger. Loss of what you never had in the first place. Silly little girl, there’s stones inside your sacred space. Wipe the hope from your face. It’s in–

–the way we go about this is pretend we don’t want it
in the first place,–

my way. A quiet day. A lot can die in a short time with

No sunlight.
No legacies. No grace.
No little socks with lace.

There’s a lot I know I won’t let my own mouth say. It makes perfect sense to me. “I have some bad parts…” I know I have a heart because it struggles against feeling useless. Useless longings. Useless woman. It’s useless to repeat the things that shred me. I’m already torn apart.

 

 

6 Month Book Club Schedule

Hi everyone! I hope 2018 is treating you well. I have a schedule made up for the #6MonthBookClub over on Twitter for those interested. I’ll be making a graphic of the live chat questions to share here after the chat has finished for those who aren’t on Twitter. You are more than welcome to share them on your blogs with your answers if you’d like. Or share them anywhere you feel like sharing them. 🙂 If you are on Twitter and aren’t available during the time of the live book chat, you can always tweet your responses another time. Follow @6MonthBookClub and if you’d like to help spread the word, I’d greatly appreciate it! Happy reading, everyone!

 

JABCSchedule

 

 

Poem – “It Washes Away”

rain

 

It Washes Away // by Jennifer Patino

 

What would we talk of, if we were
suddenly unashamed
of what we say
to our faces
in the ceiling
formed by rain spots
from our leaking roof?

How damp is this room?
Underground, like the
basements up north, cold
catacombs, no windows,
or low windows,
imagining walking
in the shoes of passerby

Will we see through
the hole to the sky
through different eyes?
The one that forms
over the passing of
that non existent
cage called time

What would we hear
in the silence that
comes after the dawn
of the new year?
The rain?: a foreign sound,
drying up before it hits
the ground, way down here

 

 

Poem – “Umbilical”

wanderer

 

Umbilical // by Jennifer Patino

 

Refrain from slurred speech,
its wispy timbre is upsetting

While you’re aiding and abetting
all that makes me nauseous

Sitting in the corner, a silent stone
of a mother, a slab of skin and bone

I wanted to be fine in the silence,
walking in the darkness of truth alone

But a longing tugs at heart strings,
music buried in my marrow, out of my control

An uprising in my bloodstream,
begging to retrieve everything you stole

So I run far away, following the wind to the west
with the end of your last fraying seam

clutched in my childlike fingers

 

 

Online Book Club

janeaustenbathsoap

I thought this soap from The Philosopher’s Guild was hilarious 😀

 

Are you on Twitter?

Do you love to read?

Do you love Jane Austen?

 

If you answered “yes” to all 3, you should follow @6MonthBookClub on Twitter. 🙂 If you’re interested in reading some of Austen’s works next year, you should follow too. 🙂 I was reading a lit mag last night & half-listening to the TV. The movie Jane Austen Book Club was on & it got me thinking that I have only read 2.5 of Austen’s books. I’ve seen every movie version of every one of her books ever made practically, however. (Probably not, but still!) I love Lost in Austenland & yes, I even love the Murder at Pemberley miniseries. So, I thought “hey, why not read Austen this next year?” Then I thought, “hey, why not see if anyone on Twitter might be interested?” So, my little idea was born. I figured I’d follow the same order as the book club in the film read them (as a nod because I love movies just as much as I love books) & also I liked the months they read them in. I live with some chronic illnesses & I’ve come to know which months I’m ‘typically more active/feeling more functional’ & February to July seemed perfect. I’m thinking the other months, (with the exception of Jan., where we’ll take off) I will host a monthly book chat just to talk about what we’re currently reading. It should be fun.

If all goes well, I will continue to do this & I’ll have followers vote on which author to do next year. There are a lot of authors who have written at least 6 books so that’s the only requirement really. 🙂

I read just as much as I write & I think it will be fun to share the love of books with others. So, hope to see you all in February! Have a great holiday & a Happy New Year! I’m sure I’ll be posting an update or a poem or something here before then though. 😀

 

 

Prose – “Self Care”

selfcare

Photo by Me

 

 

Self Care // by Jennifer Patino

 

I take extra time putting lotion
on my hands. I feel the dry
patches, the cracks, the very
bones beneath as they vibrate
upon applied pressure. Gentle.
Soothing. Tiring.

I add extra to put on my face.
I hold this face in my less
than capable hands. I inhale
the scent of the lotion. It smells
of a snowy morning and I
start to cry. My tears taste
of bitter nostalgia.

I look myself in the eye in
the mirror and sob,
I’m sorry. I don’t have
anything to say to you
that will make you feel better.
But you’re doing your best,
do you hear me? You’re doing
the best that you can.

 

 

Poem – “Shock”

eyes

 

Shock // by Jennifer Patino

 

Will you plug this in for me?
An electric hum muffles your reply,
a distracting symphony.
What of madness and
feminine energy? Your labels
and judgments have over-
affected me.

A spark of synchronicity,
underlying electricity,
lightning in a heart-shaped
bottle, empty. Shattered
chartreuse sea-glass
tossed into tourmaline infinity.

The stars shine for me.
I notice them when they fall,
when they’re escaping, when
they’re free.

They say their way is a cure
for me. I turn a blind eye
to conformity,
and then I finally see
there is no such thing as
finality, when things
change, in a flash, so
quickly.

I’m powered on
under a fog, discreetly.
In one flick of a switch,
I’ll be transformed completely.