#FlashbackFriday – I Couldn’t Tell Him


Ok. So this was it.

He stood there smiling at me. I smiled back, but inside I was crying.

How was I going to do this? And especially at a time like this. He was my best friend. But the past few months my feelings started to change. And now, he was falling for another. And she liked him too.

I cursed myself for being the one to introduce them. If only I had been brave enough to tell him sooner. If only I had told someone!

“So, how do I look?” he asked.

“You took great!” I prayed that he didn’t notice that twinkle in my eye or the fear in my voice.

He looked more than great. He was the most beautiful person in my eyes no matter what he was wearing. I felt my heart beat faster as I glanced at the clock. It was about that time.

“Tim-” I started. His eyes got wide with interest as he turned his head away from the mirror to look at me and hear whatever it was I had to say. He always cared about what I said even if I was complaining.

“I–um…” Oh, God, why was I so nervous? I know how I feel, but why can’t I just say it? He might hate me for not telling him sooner. Like before he started liking her. What if he didn’t feel the same? But then again, what if he did?

“I love you,” I said.

He stopped suddenly, stared at me, and smiled. He took two steps toward me, looked right into my eyes, and said, “I love you, too.”

Then he kissed me.

It was the most deepest, most passionate kiss I had ever received in my life. When he finally pulled away I stared at him in shock…

“What?” he said and chuckled a little bit.

I was so stuck in my daydream that I think I scared him. “What’s wrong?”

I snapped back to reality. “Oh,um, nothing. I-I hope you and Crissy have a great time tonight.”

He smiled and kissed me on my head. “Thanks. I’m sure we will.”

With that, he glanced at the clock and headed for the door. After opening it, he turned and waved. I waved back feeling the tears stinging in my eyes. Then he was gone.

I couldn’t mess things up. I loved him, but sometimes things were meant to be just as they were. I wiped the tears that were slowly rolling down my cheeks away and sighed.

I still had his friendship and it was something I treasured. And, someday, if it was meant to be, Tim would love me back.

“Good things come to those who wait,” I said aloud.

And I smiled knowing just how true that saying is.


© Jennifer Patino (1999)

* Note- I wrote this when I was around 16 & really into Dawson’s Creek type stuff. I also remember refusing to stop my habit of starting sentences with ‘and’ or ‘but’ back then. I was constantly getting reprimanded for that by teachers & I just didn’t care. They’d correct it, but I wouldn’t stop. It was like I was internally saying ‘screw you’ every time I did it. I was even aware of the fact I was doing it on purpose. I still don’t know why I just wouldn’t stop. 🙂 Anyways, I don’t do that so much anymore. 🙂

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