Confession Time: I’ve Been Lying to You…And I’m Sorry

I have to start off by saying I wasn’t lying to make you feel bad. Quite the opposite. I was concealing truth because I didn’t want you to feel bad. Sometimes, I wasn’t really lying, I just wasn’t really saying what I wanted to when you asked me certain things. It’s not because I don’t like you. In fact, if I lie to you about certain things, it’s because I do like you. I like you a lot.

Sure, there are some people I tell every little detail to. (In small doses. I really don’t want to be “that person” going on and on about the same thing all the time!) There’s no rhyme or reason for this. Maybe they just caught me on a day when I was more forthcoming about my personal life than I like to be. Perhaps I was caught off guard, in a moment where I didn’t really have the strength or energy to put on my “I feel so good” facade. Who knows?

Here’s an opportunity to peek into my life for a minute. I don’t want to focus too much on the past. It was another lifetime ago, really. Two years ago feels like another lifetime ago these days. But, I’ll get to that. I’m going to do something I don’t really do so much anymore, and that’s be honest about what it’s like to live inside this body of mine. It’s not easy. For the past decade it hasn’t been easy and it’s not getting any easier. In fact, it’s hard. It’s very hard.

When I was younger my siblings and I got tested to see if we carried the gene to pass on Polycystic Kidney Disease. My grandfather had it. My uncle had it. My brother has it. My mother has it. (50% of these people are no longer with us due to complications from PKD.) It’s a genetic thing. These tests aren’t totally accurate and less so back then. They’re more inaccurate if you get a negative result. The test may say you don’t have the gene to pass it on, when in actuality, you do and find out later when cysts start growing on your kidneys. You can google your stats on PKD if you want. You can google PKD if you want. I don’t want to list all the facts and figures right now. If you are faint of heart or have a weak stomach, I highly recommend not google image searching the disease. But, if you do, most of the time that’s all people need to understand. “Wait…so…that…all that…that’s…like…inside of you?!” I nod. They cringe. They stop telling me to “Feel better soon.” (More on this later.)

Yes, all of that is inside of me. My left kidney has now doubled in size with the right one not too far behind. There is not so much room inside this little body of mine anymore. There is no getting around waddling like a duck. There is no escaping the “man, I look like I’m pregnant today” feeling. There’s no way to not feel cyst pain in even the slightest of movements. This disease isn’t new to me. I was diagnosed young after testing positive for the gene test and getting a kidney ultrasound. I was told, “It won’t affect you until you’re very old.” They lied. I’m 34 and the symptoms only get worse as they show up.

I was 25 when it started “affecting me”. It was something always in the back of my mind, sure. I thought about it. “I wonder when…” etc. I can assure you that I wasn’t thinking about it at all at age 25. I had a good job. I had an apartment with roommates. I had just finished paying off my car. I was social. I was active. I would write for hours and hours at a time. Life was great and even though I had been through rough times I insisted on staying as positive as I could and just living as happily as my life situation allowed. (Sure there were times in my life I struggled to just get through it. We all have those times.) That attitude hasn’t changed since the symptoms took over. It’s just a lot harder to maintain positivity and I also let myself get as low as I can because I need that sometimes. I need that all the time. I need to just be.

My kidneys started hurting a week after my 25th birthday and they haven’t stopped. Six months later, I had my first “known and obvious” seizure. It took years to finally figure out that I have had seizures my whole life. They just were misdiagnosed when I was younger. (I had some sickly issues as a kid. As I aged, it just faded into the background and I didn’t have to think about things I went through until much later.) I started having 10-20 seizures a day. I have irreversible nerve damage from them and from the slew of medications doctors tried me on when I willingly allowed myself to be a guinea pig for the medical community for about three years. I really regret that, honestly, since I’m doing so much better now with CBD oil than any anti convulsant medication ever did. I now have 1-2 a month seizure wise if that. It’s a shame I couldn’t have had access to that medicine sooner, but I’m a big believer in “everything happens for a reason.” Also, I shouldn’t say I regret anything. I really don’t. I just wish I had more trust in my own body than the words of others back then. It would have saved me some suffering. Suffering brings me things though. Appreciation for the little things. The ability to really listen to others when they have something to say. Mindfulness. All kinds of things I was always too busy to notice when I was working and being socially active and not really taking too much time to just relax. It sucks living like this. I’m not sugarcoating that anymore. But I will say there is a lot that living with a chronic illness can teach you.

Let’s move past those early years after “life went to Hell” and focus on two years ago. The first thing i noticed was my energy level. It was fading. Slowly at first and then suddenly I was falling asleep while watching TV. That’s unheard of for me. If anything, I have struggled with sleeping most of my life. I would go days without sleeping in the past when the seizures were really bad. I was sleeping 9 hours. A few times 12 hours a day. This bugged me out. It seemed to get a little better once winter rolled around. Winter is my absolute favorite. I love cold. I love snow. I don’t get much of these living in Las Vegas, but the cooler the temperature, the better I feel. Fall and winter were always my “thrive time.” Minimal pain. Lots of energy. I was ready to kick life’s butt!

The temperature was colder. Christmas was coming. Something was wrong though. I wasn’t feeling as good as I usually did. I was still struggling with tiredness, pain, etc. I felt like it was summer in my body still to an extent. I wanted to feel better. I was pissed. This led to depression. This depression lasted awhile even though some really cool life events happened for me. All good things. I took a cool trip up north and had a great time and was pretty active up there. I kind of didn’t let myself rest because I was on vacation, but still. I was smiling through all this crap and this feeling inside me that things were going to change. Also, I could swear my kidneys were bigger. They just felt so much bigger. It was harder to do things. Simple things. When I got back from vacation I decided to just ignore all these symptoms. Keep fighting. Keep going. Keep pushing.

I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote. I left Facebook because it was killing me to have to see such nonsense all day long and instead threw myself into Twitter poetry prompts with all I had. I also got back into submitting things to literary magazines, which I hadn’t done since before I fell ill. I was scoring higher in the “acceptance” column than I was in the “rejection” column so that makes me pretty happy. Whether I’m paid or not, self published or accepted for publication somewhere, writing in my journal or writing something to share with everyone, I still love doing it. I don’t think I’ll ever stop completely. I just need to slow down from it. Write in my journal more. Get feelings out. Stop censoring myself. I think the fact that my Twitter grew so much because of writing prompts made me a little scared. More people were reading my blog and my Twitter and the rare moments I got personal it felt like it was just opening this window for strangers to say all kinds of things and I never knew how to respond to it all because my anxiety lately especially when talking with people is like it’s never been before. I never struggled so much with talking to others. I think a lot of the things I see on social media and in real life made me want to be silent more. (I’m not sure of this yet. That’s for another blog maybe.) So, anyway, I became obsessed with writing again like I had been in my early twenties. It felt great emotionally and mentally. I felt accomplished. I was completely out of the pains of my body. I was floating around the Twittersphere like a madwoman. I was really hurting myself and I didn’t even know it.

Last April, I went for a kidney ultrasound. I get these about once a year just to keep track of how things look. (Maybe it’s to see if a miracle has happened and all the cysts will just be gone one day…wouldn’t that be amazing? 🙂 ) I noticed when the tech was scanning my left side that it hurt really really badly. I told her so. She said she was sorry of course and then mentioned that people’s left kidney are always a little higher up and will be tender for most people but especially for those of us with PKD. It got me thinking. I started to think about how that side was unusually difficult for me these days and had been for awhile. I could feel pain in my ribs and constantly. Suddenly, I had an awareness. I went into my body and realized, man this hurts. I didn’t even realize I was taking myself out of it until then. No wonder I was feeling mentally and emotionally taxed on top of it all. I realized in that moment that I had totally been off my balance and didn’t know it.

I found out I had to go on blood pressure medication again and that my kidneys had indeed grown. Very significantly. I wasn’t making this up. All of the things I was going through where I kept trying to “blame it on the weather” or “maybe it’s because I did this…” or “I probably accidentally bent” or…”it’s my fault, it’s fine” or “whatever, just keep writing…it doesn’t hurt so much when I write”. I was in pain. I was tired. I was sick.

How long had I been in denial about it with myself and others? Probably for a year. I’d say if I didn’t feel well sometimes but mostly I was tired of saying I didn’t feel well. So I would lie. “Yeah, I’m great!” “Getting a lot of writing done.” “I’ve been so busy writing!” This was code for: “I’m so sick and I feel like dying and it hurts to exist but look…look…I’m ok because I’m doing things. I’m accomplishing. You don’t have to worry. I got this.” I most definitely did not “got this”. It’s getting better now that I’m not so frantically trying to accomplish things every single day but I still don’t really “got this”. In fact, I hate this. But, I have to feel it. I have to allow myself. I have to learn my limits again. I have to stop fighting against my own body and to stop it from doing what it needs to do to heal itself. When I say “heal itself” I don’t mean I’m going to miraculously recover. (I believe that is possible, don’t get me wrong. I’m a big believer in miracles. But I know that’s not up to me to decide.) I mean “letting my body do what it needs to do.” REST. STOP. BE SICK. YOU ARE SICK.

It made me cry not because that sucks. I cry enough over that. I cried because I could feel my body reacting incredibly happily when I said, “I have to stop this. No more Twitter like I used to.” No more stressing. So what if I can’t read a book in a day anymore? So what if I didn’t reply to that email or do every single Twitter prompt that day? So what if I had to tell my friend/family member, “I feel like total shit and can’t deal.” Honesty is something I live for. It was easy to lie on the phone or online. They can’t see me. But believe me, if I were right in front of you you’d know, you’d see. And here’s the thing when I do lie. I will tell you the truth. Because it will eat me up inside. And that’s what it’s been doing to me. I have to tell people how I feel and be honest about it. I have to be better with their responses. I have to know that people just say things because they feel it’s helpful or don’t know what to say. None of it is their fault.

“Feel better!” “Feel better soon!” “I hope you get to feeling better!” I love you all. I do. When you say this I know you mean it. I know you care. Here’s the thing. That phrase kills me. When it’s said to me I think, “Yes! I am! I’m doing it! I’m going to beat this! For you! So you don’t worry! And for me, because I am NOT this disease, right?! I’m totally going to WIN against this! Screw PKD! I got this!” Then I don’t. I don’t feel better. I feel worse most days. I failed you. I failed me. I failed. “Please. Please feel better.” That’s worse. I can see you hurting over my pain. I can feel you pleading with me like I have some kind of control over it. I fail you worse when you say “please”.

Please don’t feel bad if you’ve ever said this. Phrases like “Feel better” are for people with temporary illnesses. Colds. Stomach bugs. Maybe an injury that’s got them off of their feet for awhile. “Feel better” isn’t for chronically ill people. I’m not alone in this. I’ve read hundreds of internet posts on it. Don’t feel guilty for saying it. Just try to understand. Try “I hope you have a good day.” “I’ll pray for you.” “Sending you good vibes.” etc. Those make me feel great and don’t have anything on my part attached to it. I’m not going to feel bad about not being able to magically be cured when you say those to me. I’m going to know you get it. Trust me, it took me FOREVER to get it. I used to say it to my *Spoonie friends too. I just started to realize how it was making me feel and how I’m sure it would make certain people I said it to feel and became more aware of it. I’m never going to jump down your throat if you do say it. Please know that.

So where am I at right now, in this moment? I’m sick. My arms are starting to hurt so I’m going to wrap it up instead of saying “No, I can get like a thousand more poems in before it really gets bad!” 😉
I’m taking it slow. Reading at whatever pace I’m at. Writing when I feel like it. Watching things. Napping. Spending more time away from screens. Hanging out with my husband when he has a spare moment. (He’s been so busy with working overtime but he’ll be back on a normal schedule soon thank God.) Mostly just being in my body though. No more running away from it. I can’t anymore. I’m too tired and my health is going to suffer more if I don’t. It’s not fun in here, but it’s mine and I’m trying to figure out what works best with it and for it. Most days, food is my enemy. I can say it’s a good day if I didn’t wake up vomiting and being nauseous all day. I can say it’s a good day if I didn’t have one single moment of frustration or anxiety about not being able to do something. I can say it’s a good day when I laugh so hard my sides hurt (more). Every day, I can say it’s a good day if I’m honest with myself and others.

Thank you for taking the time to read this. I will hopefully have my new Blog up and running at the end of September. I’m shooting for the 25th so we’ll see what happens. I have a lot of poems to share with you all and I’m working on a flash fiction piece called “The TV People” which I think is really going to be good. I will be a presence on Twitter again soon I just have to not be as big of a presence as I was in the past. I thank you all for being so amazing. For your inspirations, your kind words, your poetic words, and your very existence in my life.

Catch you all in the Fall! ❤ ❤

 (*Spoonie- one who is chronically ill…you can check out The Spoon Theory if you want to online. It’s a cool story.)

#MicropoetryMonday – August 7 – 13, 2017

Micropoems:


We braced,
braved,
the arrival

Pushed,
strived,
waves of emotions
aside

Crumbled,
crushed,
powerless
against the tide


****


Speak so that
butterflies
burrowed in bellies,
brandishing
elusive magick,
burst out
of your mystical mouth
& tickle our ears


****


I think
if I love
the struggle
a bit too much
it might
just leave me
alone
forever
and that
would be bliss


****


Forgetting was a gift
you couldn’t get back

I ran into memories
like spider webs in a dark forest,

the past
still clinging to me


****


Painted mouths
in permanent screams
I still hear
after all these years
when I see
delicate dolls
dancing in my worst dreams


****


Smudged inkprints bleeding
into lines
of angsty teenage poetry
& your distorted voice on a dusty cassette tape.
You never crossed your ‘T’s.


****


Take me to levels
of absolute ultimate extreme
Induce freefall panic
while I straddle edges
Catch me in the moment
before impact


****


Full Moon

Ache in the ear,
prelude to clairaudience

Where is ascension?

What destination
for a soul settled
in the in-between,

the unseen?


****


I know what my nookomis
apologized for
when she said
we were lonesome owls
now that she’s in the Wind

In the stillness,
I miss her
& forgive


****


No forcing
the crystal

No twisting and turning
of a round hole, square peg

No contrast, no blending;
Just let it all flow and be


****


Pillars

Guardians of the Fog

Wraiths
in silent movement

Grandpa said they’d protect me

They said they would be his eyes


****


Sloshing well within me,
churning doubt,
thickening like cement
I can’t build a foundation
on this sinking desert sand
Dreaming of lush land


****


Fooled we were
thinking this
was just a turadh

A whole season
unblessed
by summer rain


****


Outside looking in
I am observing myself
as myself
This is how I know I’m dreaming
This is lucidity for me
A lens to see within


****


The moon,
our sea queen,
guides us through
the rushing waters

Inside,
we are capsized,
already bowing
to her mighty glow


****


First contact
Eye contact
Look away
Look back again
Magnetic attraction
Electric reaction
This is our moment
Our remember when


****


Catatonia
had its way
We’re clear here
in low budget lighting
Every voice’s inflection
makes it sound
like it’s asking a question


****


I will float on
green algae vapors
until I find the teal crystal sea
I will drift until
it all swirls together;
New Earth for me


****


Opia

I project with my eye lens
Submerged
Your world is blurred
Streaks on dirty glass
Remove them
Along with mountain specks


****


Me
a misplaced domino
You
a sudden motion
Our love was a chain
of disastrous events
A vicious volcano
A waterspout over the ocean


****


I was warned against
using my words as weapons

And it’s fine because I have none left

I rest my mighty sword/pen

I’m spent


****


We long for rainfall

Dance, pray, & sing

The desert could only promise
a sandstorm

It only made us
live harder


****


What do we fear
when all is still
or too dark
or cold
or lonely?

An icy wind
down your back,
the breath of death
waiting for you


****


The sky can’t hear me
I’m too far away

I pray
night and day

Please rain and take away
this fire within me


****


free
as birds and butterflies
or flower petals in the August winds
instead
I am restless
a permanent fixture
on a rumpled bed


****


Old photograph
made my Uncle cry once
and I felt so bad    I wanted to show him
a happy memory but I forgot
that people leave


****


Nepenthe
for your grief
You sang
through the pain
Those same songs
over & over again
& we let you
We remember when
we were gone


****




Haiku:


Lunar charge passes
All in her beam enlightened
Full totality


****




WIP (Works in Progress):


“They fight enough over the surface. Imagine showing them the deep, dark truth.”
“The thought is terrifying.”
“I think deep down they know.”


****


Poem – "August"

August
by Jennifer Patino

I know it’s only August,
but I drink harvest tea anyway

Summer days,
they’re letting the night have its way,

finally

Humidity makes my dreams vivid
Excessive heat makes humanity livid

I see crowds of jesters, air-luting,
fingering wrong chords, screeching festers

These are dream codes
Symbols

No interpretation needed,
the answer is simple:

I never asked
a question that would kill me to know the answer
I never asked
for this desert of abandonment, unhappily ever after

I’ll wake up, it’ll be Winter
Sweltering hibernation turn over

Leaves on trees, spinning dancers,
reasons to smile and roll over

#MicropoetryMonday – July 31 – August 6, 2017

Micropoems:





The dove
has gone

leaving remnants
of desired sainthood
behind

I waited for resurrection
with a faith broken,

but blind


****


journeys of chance,
one and the same

still, her games
have rewards

for enduring such Hell,
to drink deep from the eternal well


****


Small talk
to stifle
the shrieking

Maternal mistakes
(accidents)
cut off too soon

We mourn
and forget
to hear again


****


I’m far away
so I’ll have to do
with my memories
and summer dreams

Still,

I’m missing
all of those
Florida sunsets
with you


****


Yellow reflections dance in your eyes
You: glaring conquistador
Me: diminishing vapor
You scry me for answers
My face
A mirror for reactions


****


My hatbox,
stuffed full
of all the letters to the ocean
I couldn’t help but write
before you took the waves w/ you
out of sight


****


shaken little sparrow

volcanic voice reverberating
through the chamber halls

a songbird’s sanctuary

where no one is listening


****


Remember
when we found ourselves
only to lose ourselves
again?

We lost each other
to our cutting edges,
to our discoveries
& dreams


****


Your chuckle in my marrow
Your wisdom words etched on my bones
The greatest lesson I learned
In time spent skipping stones


****


Forgiveness flutters
in her heart like butterflies

Solitude is over,
time to face the golden glow

In new freedom,
she let go


****


We found
all those days
we lost track of
so we shut
the world out
and spent them
together


****


can you see me
through your moonlit haze?

i’m a silhouette in smoke

or is that how I view you?

a mirage?
a trick of my eyes?
clarity?


****


the line too thin
to tempt
crossing over
into overexposure

cradled and clothed
comfort

some shadows
and secrets
we need to keep


****





The first harvest
finally upon us

The built up grain,
the residue of shortcomings

A green peridot
to mark the occasion


****


With mystic eyes-
diamond cut, suncatcher sight-
you paint the scene irenic

I visualize-
your voice, a guide


All is copacetic


****


Your stare
reflects your canvas

come back to me

Your muse waits,
patiently

a lost lotus withering in the desert sun


****


make that mood music
to morph me
transform me
mash my molecules
into something more
malleable
more with the flow
mad melodies
mixed up


****


I arrived graceless

I found salvation
in the garage
with Pink Floyd
on repeat

I was alone,
an island


You’re my hallucinatory sea


****


In indigo twilight
under stars aligned
You & I
catch bramble pixies
one last time
per dream’s delight


****


I was born with a volcano inside me
I was considered blessed as it lay dormant
Cursed when the lava reared its head
Life erupted


****


Summer joy

The dewdrops,
long walks, sunsets,

counting bug bites
by the fireside,
and meteors in the royal blue sky


****


Maybe you didn’t say it
but I can mind read
beyond lips
Your professed love
at the wrong time
After we were over,
your one crime


****


The ground spoke

I found comfort in precious pebbles,
the path I was destined to be on

To be comforted by,
to stumble on,
to fall


****


A flood of revelation

You can have this August,
I’ll take the aftermath

He calls too early with bad news


He hangs up before explaining


****


“Fantastic!”
he’d say
ever so sarcastic

It was a feat
to get a real smile
out of the old man

I’m happy to say
I did all I can


****


Youth
was a superficial jungle
where lions and lovers
roamed freely
and they all
looked exactly the same


****


What matters
is nothing
if integrity
is obsolete
If hatred
is your motive
you’ll wallow
in defeat
What matters
is what
you keep



****





State fair rendezvous

You lift me up,
spin me in a hug

Down for rides, we fly
licking all the wild colors
of the cotton candy sky



****


We straddle disorders
frantic heartbeats
adrenaline spark
drive into telephone poles on purpose

No purpose
potential
driver’s seat

Pull over


****


sparing your deep feelings
by staying in the shallow end

midnight swims
good for secrets


****


Your lit candles,
the flames dancing
with the summer wind
whooshing in
through your open window,
mean you’re lonely again



****


To touch the dark
you sacrificed every trace of light
Blindfolded
to suppress your feigned bravery
Buried alive
in obsessive agony



****


pinkies entwined
under rainbow fabric,
rainbow chipped nails

tearing at our seams
dead dreams
haunting us after every storm


****


Needy rabbits
cutting us off
at the corner

We have nothing to spare

What do we have that’s concrete?

They resume
their chewing
on thumbs



****


We’re bound
by nightmares

Avoiding sleep
for visionary reinforcement

Ice scourging
and burning eyelids

Heavy and floating
all at once



****


Her dilemma
transformed
into obsession
Colors without names
Emotions all her own
but for her
The cycle of suffering
is for her



****


Dusklight hope
Holding on to the last
dull orange slice,
sliver
of bright
before night creatures roam
to rattle bones like yours



****


My parents were metal
so they made rust children

We grew to believe we were stains
& still prefer
to sit at our places

on the floor


****


After parties were when I slept
The hissing lullaby
of your last Newport of the night
tossed into a half full beer can
I feel you look at me


****


No, brain
We’re not going down
this memory lane

Not tonight,
when moonlight begs
to be blessed by remnants
of times when laughter reigned


****


Summer haze
Your smoke rings hang
Your glare lingers
You tap your fingers
Nails in your tone
Come winter
I’ll be alone



****





She was the embodiment of vellichor
I’d never seen someone become one
with brimming shelves,
dusty spines,
& moth eaten pages


****


discernment speaks all the time
in bellies clenched in fear
while walking by strangers
no matter time of day
or it lies
in a smile


****


The Fae Queen hides in Elysium’s Grove
between misty shades of dawn

Ethereal footprints left behind
in dewdrops on the lawn


****


August morning,
ill-omened

The gut quakes
and prophecies spill from a mouth

whose sealed lips
have broken open



****


Doses of reality
on the doorstep
while we
desperately sweep
gateways
to pure fantasy
underneath
an unfortunately
transparent rug


****


This rabbit hole
isn’t fun anymore
I see mushrooms in clouds
& mad hatters
don’t have time for me
Evil queens rule
underground


****


His mix tapes included a hidden track
a melancholy melody underneath
those happy beats playing just for me


****


color me monochromatic
keep your pastel cascade

your brightness is automatic
but I see through your dark charade


****


Lightning strikes
Vertigo
Suspended between
two worlds,
sometimes more
Lost in the all time, no time sea
Up, down
Where to go?


****


Dark cloaks, the arcane group
convenes for the trial of the infiltrator
Wrong step, an oubliette below
A new home for the invader


****


The new reign required us
to acquiesce their regulations
The uprising vowed to never rest
silencing the threats to our foundation


****


I retreat now, resting peaceful
Say farewell to overwhelming light
Carried away by the chorus
of the symphony of the night



****


Bless me mother
for I have sinned
against you
only you
by being born to begin with
I
your original burden
do my best to lessen it


****


I can tell you
in tear streaked
crimson cheeks,
in
an entire bottle
of rose wine at dawn,
how much I miss them
again & again


****


clicking heels
girls with nervousness at age 9
surviving on the stale bread of salvation
not questioning anything yet
as a defense


****


wizard eyes
swirling
marbled
mesmerizing

-or-

how strongly
I wanted to see you
Grandpa, before you
were a new kind of magic


****


We gargle,
careful not to remind
each other
of the horrors
of recycled water,
a scintilla of hope
at the bottom of our cups


****


watering her blooming daughters
in new ribbons tied tight
around braids
ruffled like raven feathers,
the keeper proudly beams


****


a twist of fate

i left early
with no intent to follow

then in a single bulb flash
you’re thanking me
just in the nick of time


****





The Wind’s direction,
the shrill sparrow cries
& how overcast the sky is
decide my light&dark
Each holds its own magic spark


****


I’m wading in wonder

Letting the spiral suck me in

Vice-like vortex

Consuming me

Intricate isolation

Losing track of days

The hours


****


There’s a tidal wave inside of me

I feel it
always on the brink
of surging

I wait
for quakes
accompanying
thoughts of you

I’m still drowning


****


sclero-heart

can ambient waves
of an August playlist
soften you?

whose lips
are stained
from the sweetness
under your shell?


****





Haiku:


Your rising, in time
Ascendant, reaching your sign
Stars fall–cosmic lines


****


Dark eyes opening
Upon the vivid dreamscape
Picturesque escape



****












VSS (Very Short Stories):


“Authentic”

In a world of replicas,
he was an authentic masterpiece.


****


The feeders feasted on the spiritually numb.
For a long time, faith was the last line of defense against them
and it had failed.


****


The moon + your violet eyes + the vibe.
I swore the man winked at me. I told you about it,
but you insisted he didn’t exist.



****


Heather’s jaw dislocated with a meaty ripping sound, revealing countless rows of sharp, silver teeth where her neck had been.


****







WIP (Work in Progress):


“If I’m going to live in a constant state of anxiety anyway, I might as well try some things that scare me.”


****




New Poem Featured in L’Éphémère Review Issue VI: Halcyon



Hey everyone! My poem from my Work in Progress poetry collection, The Nostalgia Tapes #1: Joyride” is in the new issue of L’Éphémère Review. This issue is truly amazing and I seriously can’t believe I’m in it. Give it a read today! Thanks so much for your support of my writing. Hope you’re all having a good start to the week!