#OctPoWriMo – Day 5 – “I Have Learned”

lightinthedark

 

I Have Learned // by Jennifer Patino

I have learned to be glad
for the things I will never understand.

A panicked phone call
at any time of day
can mean one of us
is dead or dying. A
premonition, even in a
dream should never be
taken lightly. A birth
can mean another funeral,
somewhere, some time,
some date too close to
a previous loss.

Questions are never encouraged.
And as I age, I see answers
I never asked for. I can’t
speak without unsolicited advice
so I don’t anymore. Quite a
change from talking so much
to myself. I still talk to
ghosts though. I don’t need
them to answer back.

My head can’t wrap around
a lot of the standard. What’s
acceptable was a decade-long
journey to learn. What to say
yes (and no) to was an
even longer (and bumpier)
ride. I find it hard to
trust what’s right in front
of me. Especially if it has
a mouth that is moving.

I learned “do what I say,
not what I do”. I learned
“this will hurt me more
than it hurts you” too.

No, actions rarely line up
with intentions, but I let
this go. They mean well.
I find it hard to forgive
though I know the logistics
of it. I learned that sometimes
the worst is impossible
to forget. I learned you
can’t get over what’s still
happening to you.

I learned how to hold my
own hand. And that in the
end, I can say I always
tried. And some mysteries,
anomalies, and tragedies will
never be solved, discovered, or
recovered from.

And this is okay.

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “#OctPoWriMo – Day 5 – “I Have Learned”

  1. There’s s o much I love about this poem. The vibe, the imagery, that some lines are even better than the others (my favourites are

    I find it hard to forgive though I know the logistics of it.
    and
    I learned how to hold my own hand. )

    Many wows. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s