#NaPoWriMo – Day 5: Names



When I believed
in the motherhood option
I webbed names together
I wove them into frayed messes

I once dreamed of a refrigerator
with a child’s crayon drawing on it
A name was prominent,
& I remembered being told
it wasn’t possible
to read in dreams

Yet here was an unborn child’s
display of affection
signed in backwards letters
just for me

It was the first one’s middle name,
the second shared a middle name
with the third’s first name

This is how I have to do it,
for what’s in a name?
Too many reminders
of my wrong choices made

I put that drawing in a mental drawer
with old apology letters
& dried rose petals
I locked all the names away
I stopped waiting for them
I’ve since stopped looking for them

especially late at night
when I feel the ache of missing
things that were never possible for me

I wonder how you all are,
all you little sons

Your nameless faces,
your promises,
your leavings,
your empty goodbyes


© Jennifer Patino (2018)


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