Prose – “Floor”

 

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Floor // by Jennifer Patino

 

I’d be lying if I said I were comfortable. Someone once said, “You wear pajamas all day, how can you not be comfortable?” Another said, “You’re at home in your room, how are you not comfortable?” My hooded sweatshirt is comfortable. I make sure to wash it correctly so all of its warm fuzziness will stick around for awhile. I love those hospital socks with the skid resistant patches on the bottoms. If I have to run from something, I won’t fall upon the linoleum.

I like pressing my face to that cool, sticky surface when I have a migraine. I turn the lights off, & pray the pain away. I like rubbing my cheek after I fall asleep. I feel the lines & indents coinciding with wherever I’ve finally been able to capture a small reprieve. A cat nap. I hate cats.

There is no being comfortable when your skin doesn’t fit you. There is no being comfortable in a body convinced it has been dying for the past decade. There is no being comfortable when you’re so full after swallowing nothing. There is no being comfortable when you’re constantly hungry, but your belly, your abdomen, & your insides always feel so swollen & full.

I’d be lying if I said there were still good days. I’d be lying if I told you I just liked changing my trash cans daily. That it has nothing to do with the vomiting. It has nothing to do with the gagging. It has nothing to do with how my throat feels like it wants to expel my kidneys from me, but that won’t happen. It will, however, keep constricting & trying. I can feel my organs twisting within me. Pulsing like a planet with foreign invaders. They burst, & alien bodies enter my bloodstream. I cater to a whole galaxy, & they exist only to feed upon me.

Drinking water takes willpower. Leaving the bed is a little miracle. My face is pressed to the floor in defeat. I am conquered today. I pray for sleep.

 

 

7 thoughts on “Prose – “Floor”

  1. I can totally agree with you feel from your sickness. I have had a number of deadly and serious health concerns in my life. From being a coma due to my appendix exploding and shooting poison all through my body. I have a very bad heart which needs one of the wires from my pacemaker to my heart replaced. This wire is the one that keeps my heart running all the time. I have severe pains that double me over and other times my heart gets so tired out it just crashes and I sleep for hours at a time. Yes being sick sucks. I have a great life writing books and writing my blogs. I am also active on other Social Media Sites. Nothing will get you down with a positive attitude and a strong Faith in God and Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Just saying my friend it works or you can buy the book called ” The Power of Positive Thinking ” By Norman Vincent Peale. I carried that book with until it fell apart and was gone. I wish you total success in your recovery.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Faith, gratitude, & positivity definitely aid in keeping me going. Unfortunately, there are no cures for PKD & Epilepsy. That doesn’t mean I don’t believe in miracles, or cures being discovered in the future, but accepting the reality of my illnesses has made the world of a difference. All these things, along with reading & writing help me through the pain of every day. I am extremely blessed to be alive, & to do my best to stay strong while I endure the rest of my life. Nothing is in my hands or on my time. I take it all moment to moment. I’m very glad you have found ways to maintain a good balance while dealing through some very rough things. Thanks for reading, & for sharing!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you for such a wonderful way of telling your diseases to us all. I totally agree we have to find ways to get around the effects of these types of deadly painful situations we face. Reading and writing help me as well. I also went back to my church which was the right choice to make. I find it helps me feel even better. God bless you and keep moving forward !!

        Liked by 2 people

  2. I can relate to many of these feelings. This is very beautiful prose 🙂 It takes strength to fight through the days and even more strength to share those stories. Thank you for your strength on both those levels. Keep fighting.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I would be lying if I said I didn’t get teary-eyed reading this. (My empathy sensors are my superpower.) I’m in love with your style of writing, though, and content. I’m blessed to have found you, as a person and writer. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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