Prose – “Self Care”

selfcare

Photo by Me

 

 

Self Care // by Jennifer Patino

 

I take extra time putting lotion
on my hands. I feel the dry
patches, the cracks, the very
bones beneath as they vibrate
upon applied pressure. Gentle.
Soothing. Tiring.

I add extra to put on my face.
I hold this face in my less
than capable hands. I inhale
the scent of the lotion. It smells
of a snowy morning and I
start to cry. My tears taste
of bitter nostalgia.

I look myself in the eye in
the mirror and sob,
I’m sorry. I don’t have
anything to say to you
that will make you feel better.
But you’re doing your best,
do you hear me? You’re doing
the best that you can.

 

 

Poem – “Shock”

eyes

 

Shock // by Jennifer Patino

 

Will you plug this in for me?
An electric hum muffles your reply,
a distracting symphony.
What of madness and
feminine energy? Your labels
and judgments have over-
affected me.

A spark of synchronicity,
underlying electricity,
lightning in a heart-shaped
bottle, empty. Shattered
chartreuse sea-glass
tossed into tourmaline infinity.

The stars shine for me.
I notice them when they fall,
when they’re escaping, when
they’re free.

They say their way is a cure
for me. I turn a blind eye
to conformity,
and then I finally see
there is no such thing as
finality, when things
change, in a flash, so
quickly.

I’m powered on
under a fog, discreetly.
In one flick of a switch,
I’ll be transformed completely.

 

 

Poem – “Mix It Up”

partyedit

 

Mix It Up // by Jennifer Patino

 

he said something about

mixing alcohol and antibiotics

and how it might not be a good idea,

 

so she counts pills

like counting how many ways

she can fuck her day up

 

there’s enough sweetness there

to put you into a diabetic coma

and a sea of glass and hard liquor surrounds you

as you drown

 

life is hard,

so death must be easy, right?

think about it:

you close your eyes and then open them again

 

how bad can it be?

 

the stores close way too early

and everyone’s asleep

but you

 

how lonely it is out on that limb

of knowing way too much,

yet knowing nothing at all

 

she says “forget it“,

and has another drink

 

she smiles thinking,

give me something to live for

 

– October 28, 2007

 

Note: I said I would share some old work I was going through so here’s a little poem. I remember I wrote this while I was recovering from a kidney infection, interlaced with snippets of scenes & conversation from a party. I find I like the writing of my twenties best when it doesn’t rhyme (I seriously rhymed waaaay too much back in the day, and pretty badly I feel), & the weirder the poem, the better. I didn’t have nearly as many insecurities as I do now about writing or anything really. Which is probably strange because as you get older you’re probably supposed to care less about what other people think about you, right? Hmm. Circumstances. Anyway, hope you enjoy a glimpse of my memory lane.

 

 

Poem – “Fuel”

FuelPhoto by Me

 

Fuel // by Jennifer Patino

 

I down
a cup
of jitterbugs
& shovel
handfuls
of knowledge up

I will it
to inspire me
& I give in
to ink tangents
and the fire

I make
miracles
out of messes
& destroy
that which
doesn’t serve

I believe
that purity
of divine love
is the truth
of what we
really deserve

I do this
to stay alive
& enjoy the lessons
I’m given;
It’s all I know
about how to survive

 

 

Poem – “Skating By”

pkd

 

Skating By // by Jennifer Patino

 

I understand the fragility
of life

I know the tides change
quickly

                                                        in a blink

I know a small blip
in my blueprint
caused all this

I can’t say
I blame the organs

I can’t say they’ve failed me

                                                       not yet, thank God

I understand separation
from the body

                                                        out of the mind

I tell them all
in my head
is a sanctum
and if I can get there,

                                                         if they let me

I can know relief,
however brief

I can trust the thin ice
to hold me

just a little longer

as I convince them all
I’m growing stronger

 

 

Poem – “Aching”

20171120_034629_Film7Photo by Me

 

Aching // by Jennifer Patino

 

Savoring the crumblings,
dust painting,
rubble wreckage treasure–
creating

Building blocks from
disaster sites,
this is your whole life–
the making

Being the glue,
the binding,
keeping it together–
bending and breaking

A mother sobbing,
breathing aftermath air,
surviving it all–
Earth’s quaking

 

 

 

3 Micropoems – “Seized, Transitions”

TransitionsPhoto – “Transitions” by Me

 

Seized, Transitions // by Jennifer Patino

 

To the chair, bound
To the floor, fallen

Electric eels swim
Below my surface

Short circuiting
My glitching system

 

*

 

I tripped

     Razor wire

Trembling legs

A step is an accomplishment

     (or a trap)

Clawing the wall, the skin,
the lit fuse,

                h  a  y  w  i  r  e

The brain interprets
& it’s all wrong

It implodes

Sparks dance
inside my head

I’m half dead

 

*

 

This coming winter
I will feign a freeze
I will spend time within
My heart storage space

By an imagined first frost
I will have thawed out
the old wounds
For a renewed healing

 

Thanks to @TastyPoem and @TLPoetry for prompts.