The Las Vegas Strip Trip – Conclusion – Part 3: “Render Unto Caesar’s”


Prologue        Part 1        Part 2




Part 3: “Render Unto Caesar’s” —


Our final night on the Strip started at the Bellagio. I was really excited about having gelato and showing my friend the fountain show. We walked through the Conservatory. It was so beautiful. All of the flowers, fountains, and displays were so peaceful looking. I took a lot of photos. Afterwards, we had some excellent gelato at the Gelato Cafe and I also just had to have an Italian cream soda. They’re so awesome. I could easily become addicted to them again. I worked at a coffee shop once that served them and I drank them all day long. We strolled past a huge chocolate fountain too. It wasn’t too tempting since I was already stuffed with sweetness, but it was cool to look at anyway. I was so cold after we finished our frozen treats. The casinos are extra icy in the warm months it seems, and since I wasn’t walking around, I felt the cool blasts more intensely from my wheelchair. My nerves weren’t liking that very much.


The Conservatory & Botanical Garden @ The Bellagio


The Chocolate Fountain @ Bellagio Patisserie


I’m not sure of the order of events, but we ended up going over to a CVS so I could buy a sweater. Now I have a touristy Las Vegas zip up hoodie to add to my collection. I was also much warmer. 🙂 We got a spot at the guardrail for the Bellagio fountain show and I was very shocked to see that instead of doing a long show (every hour or something) they just do one song and have shows every 15 minutes. I really wanted to hear “Time to Say Goodbye” but we caught a Pavorotti song. The show was still beautiful. I could watch those fountains all day, probably.

We moved on to Paris and I love the ceiling in the shopping area. I noticed a little shop called Le Journal so I went in and bought a journal. (Because, yeah.) It’s cute. It has the Eiffel tower on it. Later on, I got a cool picture of my friend standing underneath the tower replica on the Strip. There’s a restaurant in the middle of it and I guess you can go up to the top. If you’re not me, and not deathly afraid. 🙂 My friend loves sushi so I wanted to treat them to some. We ate at an awesome place called Sekushi. My husband and I aren’t fans of seafood but the restaurant also offered an awesome selection of skewered veggies and meats to choose from. I had steak, chicken, tofu (yes, I eat meat and tofu 🙂 ), asparagus, button mushrooms, and scallions. My husband had an assortment of beef and chicken. (He hates vegetables! So strange!) My friend enjoyed their sushi rolls and also ate octopus which I thought was weird, but they enjoyed it. It looked cool, anyway. 🙂


SekushiSekushi @ Paris, Las Vegas


We hit up some slots but none of us did well. Paris seemed so different from when I visited it last. It wasn’t nearly as exciting to me. I feel like there was less of the pretty ceiling to look at, too. I do want to check out some of the French cuisine there in the future though. The casino connected to Paris is called Bally’s. I stayed there my first visit to Las Vegas (before I lived here). We didn’t spend too much time there and it was pretty lackluster. We decided to head on over to Caesar’s Palace. “Time to go render unto Caesar what is his,” my friend joked. “No,” I laughed. “Caesar’s will render unto me what is mine.” I had to believe that if luck exists, it would fall upon us, so why not on our last night on the Strip?

The walk over to Caesar’s was pretty. There was a nice garden with fountains and benches. Vegas is good for fountains too. Plenty of photo opportunities both inside and outside of the casino. We hit the game floor and just ended up hanging out in this little corner for awhile watching our dollar amounts go up and down. We hung around long enough to have a few drinks before we grew hungry and ran out of gambling money. My friend realized their phone was missing, but thankfully, it was turned in to security and they got it back within 10 minutes of discovering it was lost. That’s some kind of luck right there, eh?


Caesar’s Palace


None of us really knew what we were hungry for, so we wandered along the Strip and noticed the Taco Bell Cantina. Taco Bell is my fast food weakness. I really wanted to check out a Cantina version, so we ate there. The lure of frozen alcohol was tempting but none of us wanted to throw up. 😀 There are rules on the strip for Uber and Lyft so we had to find a place that was appropriate to be picked up at. We ended up in Planet Hollywood and we were walking through the closed mall looking for a bathroom and where we were supposed to go to hail a ride. After what seemed like forever, we found the bathrooms, but lo and behold, they were locked. Great.

We went back inside to the casino. There’s always a bathroom there. They place them at opposite ends with signs that point in the wrong direction to guarantee you walk past that gaming floor quite a few times so you can throw your money away at the tables and slot machines as you search for them, but they’re there. We spent a lot of time in the hallway where the restrooms were looking at a big picture with all kinds of celebrities in it. We were pointing out who we recognized and I swear a new familiar face would appear every time I looked in another section of that picture. We walked around a bit inside Planet Hollywood before we finally arrived to where we were supposed to be to call a Lyft.


More Shots from the Strip


We talked about going out to dinner the following evening and going to play some bingo at Red Rock for my friend’s last night in town, but the next day we were all exhausted. We stayed in, ordered some Thai food, and watched The Shape of Water. What a beautiful film. I love Guillermo del Toro. I just found out he has a horror anthology show that got picked up by Netflix. I’m very excited for that.

The next day my husband and I dropped my friend off at the airport. They said they had a great time and I was sad to see them go. I know we’ll see each other again some day. I’ll be getting down to Florida eventually. Now that my husband has vacation days every year it’ll be a little easier to get to places to visit my friends and family. I’m not the biggest fan of flying, but I do it. It’s worth going through to see my loved ones.

This concludes my little Las Vegas Strip trip experience. It was cool to be a tourist in a city I live in, and even more it was great to see my friend. We have known each other since high school. I value that very much. I like getting out even if it’s nearly inevitable that I will run into some bumps along the way. I had a fantastic time and would love to do it again the next time a friend or family member comes to visit. There’s so much this city has to offer and I’m glad to know there’s a lot more I can handle if I just put my pride away and sit in that dang wheelchair. It’s hard. I can walk, ya know? Even if it’s not very well. But walking great distances isn’t something I’m able to do, and I know it. Lesson re-learned.


Here’s a little snippet from a poem I’m working on about the trip:


‘…gelato at the Bellagio,
and a mediocre fountain show –
in the past, the duration was longer –
more songs – now, it’s all wrong,

Pavarotti instead of Bocelli,
but the floaty sensation
in my waiting belly was the same,

Spouts of thunder, peaceful glow,
magical mist on my face,

I see you leaning
on the faux marble guardrail –
This is now a perfect place…’



Thanks so much for reading! If you haven’t visited Las Vegas at least once in your life, you should. There’s lots to see and avoiding debauchery is possible, if that’s not your thing. 🙂



The Las Vegas Strip Trip – Part 1: “That’s Amore!”


KnightsLiberty1The Las Vegas Strip – Outside New York, New York & MGM casinos


I need to hurry up & write about my vacation because I’m already really absorbed in another project that just won’t wait. I wrote over 2,000 words last night & I’m glad something new is fresh in my mind & flowing. I don’t want to say too much about it because it seems whenever I do that, whatever it is I’m working on ends up in the “Unfinished” pile & I’m trying to avoid that for this. 🙂 So, on to a recap of my adventures!:


After we picked up my friend from the airport, we came back to the apartment & just caught up & ate a wonderful meal of meatballs prepared by my husband. He loves cooking. I don’t. It works out pretty amazingly, & he’s also a very good cook so that’s even more amazing. We talked about places we should visit. We talked about all of our predetermined plans we had for that Friday. I was feeling good & very excited, but slightly anxious over how much I knew I’d be pushing myself. I wanted to though. I wanted this trip to be a blast.

The following evening, we took on the Strip. We started at the Luxor. It’s the Egypt themed hotel/casino. It looks like a pyramid & I can see it’s light from my neighborhood. It’s a huge spotlight aimed at the sky that can be seen for miles around. We had plans to eat at Johnny Rockets & I was a little disappointed to find out it was only a Food Court location, so we didn’t get the experience of the whole staff singing & dancing along to a “jukebox” playing 50s music. (This was compensated by a giant jumbotron in the center of the Food Court, which suddenly switched to a video of a Johnny Rockets staff somewhere in the world performing a song for whichever restaurant they were really at. It’s a Johnny Rockets thing. I was excited about it. I took what I got.) We were tripping out sitting in the Food Court, looking up at the hotel room floors. It was quite the optical illusion being pyramid shaped. People looked like they were dangling above us, & that at any moment they could fall. I have a thing with heights & the whole thing was making me dizzy, but I still thought it would be cool to stay there & see how things looked from above sometime.

Our next stop was the Excalibur. It looks like a giant medieval castle on the outside, but not as exciting vibes on the inside. Some lady cornered us & was trying to sell us package deals to wherever & I wasn’t having it, I just wanted to move on. So, an awkward moment of lost patience ensued. At this point, I was starting to feel all the walking, & it was still early in our night, so I really only had one thing in mind: have a good time.


HoudiniShop1Houdini’s Magic Shop @ New York, New York – Las Vegas


Our last stop of the night was New York, New York. The Statue of Liberty replica outside of it had a Las Vegas Golden Knights jersey on, & I started to think about Las Vegas as a “hockey town”. I shook my head in disbelief & took a ton of pictures. (I go on about this a lot, but seriously, this is their first year. They’re in the Playoffs. This is seriously unheard of.) I remember doing pretty well slot machine-wise at New York, New York. My husband tells me I actually won a bit that night. We had giant, greasy slices of pizza there. We also visited a Houdini’s Magic Shop. There was a Zoltar machine there so I had to get a fortune, of course. Back at home, I had a rough time with my nerves & had a seizure, but I recovered quickly & upon waking, I felt ready to tackle another night.


We had show tickets the following night so I definitely had to go, even if I didn’t feel like it, but thankfully, I totally felt like it. My feet were a little sore but I think I was fueled by excitement because I was more than ready to get going. Of all the casinos I’ve been to, I love the Venetian the most. My first visit to the Strip (14 years ago!) I remember being obsessed with Paris. This time around, I can’t stop thinking about the Venetian & how I want to go visit it again. The Grand Canal Shoppes was a nice little walk, & the giant “Love” display is there. We took some photos & just took in the general splendor before heading to Casanova for dinner. The Shoppes are surrounded by the Canal & we saw the gondolas & I was too excited thinking about how I was finally going to be able to ride in one. I loved the antipasto platter we ordered as an appetizer at Casanova, & for my meal, I had wild mushroom ravioli which was amazing. I loved the vibe in that restaurant. The lighting fixtures especially. Las Vegas is good for my fascination with fancy (& often faux) light fixtures. Every ten minutes I was thinking, “Ooooh, that would be nice in a dining room”, & other things like that. My husband & friend both enjoyed their meals as well. We were now on our way to catch a Gondola ride before the show started.


Casanova Restaurant @ The Venetian – Las Vegas (Please forgive my blurry photos, I lack a steady hand, but I do my best!)


I loved our Gondolier. She was amazing. Her voice was so beautiful that when she sang “Bella Notte” (it was in Lady & the Tramp) I teared up. It couldn’t be helped. She told me it was fine. “Feelings are better to be let out than kept in!” she bellowed in what was probably a practiced Italian accent. (They have to go to school for this.) She also made some jokes that I thought were pretty funny. She was just a wonderful presence to be in. She sang “That’s Amore” & “Funiculi, Funicula” as well & those were fun & upbeat. It was cute when some tourists on a bridge waved to us. I waved back, of course. There was also a little bridge we passed under & she told my husband & I we would stay together forever if we kissed under it, so of course we did. 🙂 I visited the gondola shop afterwards & got a magnet & a little figurine of a gondolier & gondola to have mementos of the experience.


GondolierMy Gondolier Figurine


After our little boat ride, we headed over to the Palazzo (another casino connected to the Venetian) Theater to see Baz. We were happy to see that pretty much everyone was in VIP seating, including us. Even the stage had tables on it, & spectators were sitting there! There were runways from the stage all around where we were sitting. It appeared that there would be actors right in front of us based on the layout, & I hoped we could take pictures. I soon found out we could, “take as much video & photos as you want, just make sure you hashtag us!” was in the pre-show speech, also informing us that we had to be careful because actors & actresses were going to be running all over the place, so make sure we keep them safe, etc. The show is a mash up musical of songs from three Baz Luhrmann movies, “William Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet”, “Moulin Rouge”, & “The Great Gatsby”. It’s amazing to see the parallels to each story having it laid out for you like that. There was an awesome “Tango de la Roxanne” from Moulin Rouge & Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black” from The Great Gatsby soundtrack mash-up that I was super impressed by.


Baz @ The Palazzo


The actresses & actors had impressive vocal & dance skills & were literally running around everywhere. There were also scenes/lines from the movies (based on literary works), throughout the show being delivered, & everyone was good in that department too. Mercutio’s death scene (as always) made me cry. I captured a lot on video & couldn’t stop filming during the “Like a Virgin” scene because it was just fantastic. I thought the guy who played Romeo was adorable & he was directly in front of us quite a few times. I have many blurry photos of trying to catch performers running by. They’re pretty funny to me. I avoided the couple instances of strobe lights in the show just fine, & also was able to slow my heart during the gun violence scenes. This never used to affect me, & it does now, & I really don’t like it, but that’s another blog post in itself. It was great to sing along to the show & I was laughing out loud at some parts. The man who played Harold Zidler was the best. He was so hilarious. Juliet, Satine, & Daisy had amazing voices. The set, the costumes, everything about this show was perfect. If anyone asks me what’s a good show in Las Vegas to see (I haven’t seen that many, but still) I will definitely tell them to go see Baz. I had to get a souvenir afterward, so I got a cool Baz flask. I am still very sad that there is no show soundtrack that exists, but I did my best to compensate for that by making a playlist of all the songs in the show in some form or another, & I’ve been listening to it on repeat since that night. 🙂


ChristianandSatineThis scene with Christian & Satine from Moulin Rouge was right in front of us — This is the best photo I captured from the show!


I’m not sure how many parts I’m going to break this trip up into to share here, but that’s enough for right now. I hope you enjoyed Part 1! This is only the first part of this night at the Venetian. The night was still feeling young for us after the show, & we had free drink vouchers. Spoiler alert: We didn’t end the night at the Venetian. 🙂 Stay tuned!




A Whole Other World Exists Just 20 Minutes Away (The Las Vegas Strip Trip Prologue)

Greetings from post-vacation land! My friend flew home yesterday afternoon, & now I’m trying to piece my mush brain together & rest my body. I had such a fantastic time. Sure, I live in Las Vegas, but I have only ever gone to the Strip once when I was 21 (& that was before I even lived here. I vowed to never live here…whoops. 😀 ) Anyways, I will formulate some posts highlighting all of the fun of my trip (20 minutes to the East!) once my head is back on straight. It’s hot here again. It reached 102 today. So, I’m slowed down due to that as well. Of course after not writing for a whole week, I wrote a whole bunch tonight! Full poems, poem notes, trip notes…I’ve been busy jotting it all down before it goes away.

Here’s a few preview photos & a little something I penned after one of our nights out casino hopping. I am happy to say I survived, & only relied on my wheelchair the last leg of the trip. It probably wasn’t the best idea to walk all over for two nights, but it was worth it, even if I did pay for it severely both nights when I got back home. Still, it was worth it, & I’m fine, honestly. I feel no worse than I usually do now that the bad moments are over. I’ll elaborate more on everything but I just wanted to pop in & share a little bit for now. Enjoy!


7:02 // by Jennifer Patino

After a certain hour, the tourists emulate the drunk poets.

No one knows this but me. They bob about in metaphors
for deteriorated hamstrings that cause the swagger of inebriation
that is the signature brand of Las Vegas Boulevard.

Scars of soldiers, their war stories, their distant gazes, their
rusty smell of courage and cheap beer.

Everybody’s swimming in this sea of lonely, broken harmony, and
off key, everybody’s singing of childhood memories, of sweet,
sweet love, and of the cruel sting that comes with leaving.


Stay tuned because I will definitely give a more detailed recap hopefully within the next few days. I hope you’re all well! I’m settling into my summer swell after kicking it off with a bang. ❤



Update: May This Month Be Good


maypoleMaypole – Artist Unknown


Wow! It’s May already! April was a tough month, but I was distracted from my daily struggles by #NaPoWriMo & it always feels good to write every day. I try to write a little every day anyway, but to have 30 concrete poems in 30 days is an accomplishment I look back on every time I participate & wonder how in the world I did it. I definitely need a week off. 🙂

My dear friend is visiting for a week. He flies in on Wednesday night & it’s going to be so great to see him. My husband has made a tentative itinerary of places we should definitely take him to whether I am able to participate that day or not. I never know how I’m going to feel every moment of every day, but we do live in a 24 hour city so that won’t matter. My “sleep schedule” is basically, “whenever my body needs to sleep.” I try not to worry about it too much & I always get enough. Friday we have show tickets so I definitely need to be able to pull through that. I can only hope it will be a good day & even if I’m not feeling well, there are ways to manage things. If I have to rely on my wheelchair to get around, so be it. I may not like it, but I don’t want my illnesses to get in the way of having fun. There’s a couple things I can’t participate in because of the events being too flashy for my Epilepsy, but I don’t mind. I will take that time to rest up for the next adventure. I’m so excited. It’s going to be so much fun.

On the publishing front, I have a prose piece coming out in Issue V of Half Mystic. This issue is called ‘Cadenza’ & can be pre-ordered here. Half Mystic is home to many talented writers & artists & I’m honored to be included in the issue. I’m so excited to read it. After my vacation, I plan on focusing on submissions. Everything I write that I feel is “submittable” will be sent to hopefully find a home somewhere. I took some time off from submitting to try & get adjusted to my new limitations, & I think I’ve found a better balance now that I’ve given up social media. I lack energy & am in constant pain so I had to cut some things out & change the way I was doing some things to be able to enjoy my days again & feel a little more productive & happier than I was feeling. It’s been quite the battle, but I feel I’m coming out on top.

I read a lot this past month. Reading books, reading blog posts of others’, & writing my daily poems consumed the bulk of my time awake. I also watched a lot of SVU & a few movies. There was a little Alfred Hitchcock marathon on so I’ve been watching some of his films that I hadn’t seen or heard of & some of my favorites of his such as Vertigo, Psycho, & The Birds. I’ve also been watching the NHL Playoffs & I CANNOT BELIEVE the new team (from HERE, LAS VEGAS of all places) is a good contender for the Stanley Cup. I’m a lifelong Detroit Red Wings fan, but I am rooting for the local Golden Knights, because hey, why not. (Sometimes, I swear the Cup follows me. I need to get back home so Detroit can start winning it again. haha  🙂 )

Here are the books I’ve read this past month. I definitely recommend all of them. I wanted to read some books that I’ve seen the movie version of billions of time, so I read Fried Green Tomatoes & The Virgin Suicides. I plan on reading the rest of that Fallen series as well since I enjoyed book one so much. I haven’t seen ‘Love, Simon‘ but I definitely want to. The book was so good.

Fallen // Lauren Kate
Her Body & Other Parties // Carmen Maria Machado
Because We Are Bad: OCD & a Girl Lost in Thought // Lily Bailey
The Gin Closet // Leslie Jamison
Northanger Abbey // Jane Austen
Simon vs. The Homo Sapiens Agenda // Becky Albertalli
Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe // Fannie Flagg
The Virgin Suicides // Jeffrey Eugenides

I’ve also been reading passages of the Bible, (I’m finally going to read the whole thing & have been working on it this year), & The Philokalia. I’ve been reading Monastic Wisdom: Letters of Elder Joseph the Hesychast, & Emily Dickinson’s Complete Works if I don’t have my current read handy or just want something to read quickly for inspiration or meditation purposes. The book I’m on now is ‘Torment Saint‘ by William Todd Schultz, which is about the life of Elliott Smith. Interestingly enough, I checked this book out at the library on a whim before I read ‘Simon‘ & was surprised to find that Elliott Smith & his music are mentioned throughout the book. I love synchronicities like that. I’ve been listening to a lot of Elliott Smith’s music again too. It may be sad, but it suits me right now.


TormentSaintTorment Saint: The Life of Elliott Smith by William Todd Schultz- My Current Read


Since I’m not on social media, I’ll be posting more personal updates to this blog. I’ve decided I want to continue to do my photo/poetry edits as I was starting to do on Instagram before I left. They’re fun & I have so much micropoetry from doing Twitter prompts for two years so I’m going to share them here. I also keep visualizing collage paintings so I want to work on some art too. It’s been way too long & I’ve never had inspiration for art pieces become so restless before. I discovered that there is even something called “visual poetry” & I have a few ideas for that as well. I think it’s cool to combine art & poetry. It will be fun.


SaveYourLifeCollageA collage by me


Of course, I make all of these plans & attempt to get to it all, but I’m never able to forget that I am ill. My body reminds me. My brain reminds me sometimes. I try not to be reminded, but eh, what can I do? I just have to accept & do what I’m able to do. I’m happy I was able to mail out some letters to my friends this month too. I love letter writing. I love writing, period.

Hopefully, after my one doctor’s appointment in May & three appointments (tests, follow ups) in June I will be done with waiting rooms for awhile. I’m hoping nothing else pops up & that it’s all just “progression of the illness” which is what my new nephrologist suspects. He’s so on my level & I’m so glad to have found him. I kept trying to tell so many other doctors, “I think this is just my disease” but they all just wanted it to be something else or something, I don’t know. There’s still a lot about PKD that is unknown & if you’ve never heard of it, you’re not going to believe that so much could go wrong from just one illness. Those of us who live with it constantly do know, & it’s wonderful to be listened to & understood by my new doc. He’s really fantastic, & I seriously can’t get over how happy I am to be in his care now. Just having a good medical professional on your side can make things so much easier.

Well, I’m officially starting my vacation now. Thanks so much for all the love, support, & encouragement, everyone! I appreciate you taking the time to read my writing & for commenting such kind words. It really means the world to me. 🙂 Happy Reading & Writing! I’ll see you in a week or so! ❤



I felt like sharing this FB post I made everywhere.


Sometimes, I’ll think of a billion questions & then think I should ask someone about it. I’ll cycle through people I know & wonder if they’d even understand or want to even hear about it right now.

I start panicking. I start researching. I start reading what other ‘great minds’ have said about the subject. I start thinking about all the writing I have on said subject that I’m so afraid to share anywhere. I start thinking “what’s the point of sharing anything in a world so cruel?” I start thinking “what’s the point of anything?” I start praying.

Then I sit quietly. I let the confused stew inside my head get to the brink of bubbling over or bursting like a volcano. I let it happen. I remain still even if physical manifestations of the inferno inside of my mind start to appear on or within my body.

Then new thoughts come in. A feeling of peace arrives next. Some little voice somewhere inside of me whispers. The answers remind me of the questions that got me to this point.

I’ll suddenly realize that I have answered my own questions. I can breathe again. Somewhere deep inside, I knew it was okay to be myself all along.

I believe this is Spirit. I believe our souls hold the answers to every little thing we want to know. What we can’t find the answer to may not be for us at the time. Maybe we’re not ready. Maybe we have other lessons to learn first. Maybe there is no answer that our human minds can find right now. Maybe one day, we will.

The only one who can answer when I start to question myself, is myself. Creator doesn’t question me. I don’t believe any being that exists is a mistake. I used to. Oh, did I ever. I used to think I didn’t belong here. Now I see that I do or I wouldn’t be here. I don’t know if I’ll ever find “where I fit” here, but maybe I don’t want to fit.

Maybe I want to flow like wind into all kinds of different circles. Maybe I want to try as hard as I possibly can to love all people like Jesus does, without judgment, never minding how people feel, how they act, or what they do or do not believe in. Just loving them for existing. This doesn’t mean I’m going to let people hurt me. I’m getting better at voicing when something hurts me or when I don’t understand what a person says & need clarification. I’m working on how to not let certain things affect me right now. It’s very, very difficult.

I don’t like conflict. I’m not strong enough to “stand up for myself” or whatever it is. I don’t feel the need to “defend myself”. If someone sees me or something I do as “wrong” or “someone they don’t like” then how is it even a concern of mine? Do I want to become whatever this person feels I should be? That was me once. I would mold myself into whatever anyone wanted because I thought that was the only way to make friends.

I don’t want to be like that anymore. I respect that there are billions & billions of ways to live life. I always have. There are billions & billions of people who exist & we’re all different. I am one of those billions & billions. Of course I’m different!

So, I just want to live my life. I have been struggling with this for years now. Keeping parts of myself compartmentalized or hidden away. “Keeping my worlds separate” as not to “offend” anyone. It’s a shock I’ve even said one word about how I feel about anything considering how much anxiety this has caused me.

The world is out there. I live as a hermit these days, inside. In these little boxes where we type online, I can only release little fragments of who I am. I know the glue that holds me together & others’ perspectives of me is not that glue.

I love the life I live. I love all the things I’m into. My entire life has been friends asking me “how can you….if you….” like they don’t know there’s a whole world out there full of so many different perspectives & I can’t help it, I love listening to it all & taking it all in. If I don’t like it, I can politely walk away, turn it off, whatever. I can let that person be & try not to let them affect me negatively.

My whole life I’m sure I’ll be “finding out who I am”. I have always felt “describe yourself” or “who are you?” questions to be bothersome. I’m alive still. I’m still learning all that. I don’t ever want to stop learning all that. I don’t want to “settle in my ways” or whatnot yet. I don’t want to close off my mind or heart to something that comes my way that could be the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I’ve always found the best things in the most unexpected places.

Well, this turned out to be longer than I intended. The point is, I feel good to be alive. I suffer daily. I try to not let on about it too much. Then I realize, there I go again, hiding myself. Then I get all the existentialist thoughts. The spiritual thoughts. We’re all just living & trying, aren’t we? We’re all awake at the same time asking ourselves the same questions over & over again, aren’t we? Or maybe we’re all dreaming at the same time?

Tonight, I’m glad to be feeling better mentally. I’m glad to have once again questioned my own self-worth & to rise feeling that I am indeed meant to be here. That I am doing the best I can with what I know, the same as everyone else.

I love you all. I don’t know how to tell you all enough. I don’t know how to say thank you to everyone enough. I don’t know how to convince myself that I am doing enough. But, I do believe that most would tell me that I am enough & that I am doing enough.

If you read all this, thanks! haha I just opened the box & started typing. There are worst boxes I could have opened, probably.