#NaPoWriMo – Day 23: “How Sudden, the Change of Seasons”

duskviolin

 

 

How Sudden, the Change of Seasons // by Jennifer Patino

 

Summer crept in
when I was just
getting used to it
feeling like Autumn

I fade into the heat,
become like mist,
a cloud drift
struggling to keep form

I will withstand it,
as I always do,
relying on ice cubes
& limited cool air

I will savor the night,
a reprieve from the swelter,
from the relentless day star
beating me into submission

I mentally separate
from my scalded skin,
get lost in my freezing thoughts,
take shelter from fire by hiding within

How quickly I must adapt,
my body reacts, & gets defensive,
forcing me into its own dark bunker
where rays of laser razors can’t penetrate,

cocooned in a cool room until Winter returns

 

napowrimo2018

 

* Author’s Note : Ugh, it’s getting warmer here in Vegas. 😦 I am not a fan of high temperatures at all. I’m comfortable in the 40-60 degree F range. Something happens to me during the warm seasons. My body fails to keep up with my spirit. My mind becomes mush. It reached 87 degrees today & this is where my pen went. I call the hot months here, “The Summer Swell” since my cyst covered kidneys also tend to inflate like little alien balloons & cause me more discomfort than usual. (This is normal for me, I have Polycystic Kidney Disease, it’s just something I have to deal with.)

On a personal note, I’ll be looking forward to my vacation coming up beginning of May. My dear friend is coming to visit & it’s going to be a good time for sure. My husband has vacation time that week too so he’ll be able to enjoy a nice & much needed break.

I hope everyone has a good week. Thanks so much to all who read & support my writing. Your comments are much appreciated, truly. ❤

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 22: “Fly-by”

 

melancholiagif

 

 

Fly-by // by Jennifer Patino

 

 

“Because I know things…”

 

*

 

The way the groom handles this boat of a limo
may be indicative of how he will handle his bride

Her face is lace, her smile looks unnatural

She’s familiar, yeah,
we’ve seen her look sleepless like that,
make-up does wonders

All the white that surrounds her
doesn’t look very pure

 

 

dirty cotton / the woods / tight squeeze / hands grip the bouquet //

hands grip the wheel / forced laughter / we’re late / it doesn’t matter

 

 

The room holds its breath
as slate blue mother rises
to this glorious occasion
mumbling passive aggression
in the guise of a congratulatory toast

 

Fools, I have no words left!
I don’t belong here
at this delicate table,
with your white china
and your suede seating!

 

Later, the bride is found sucking her thumb,
tights torn, wedding heels dangling
over the edge of a stack of extra chairs
because more people were expected
to witness this gross spectacle

 

**

 

Sisters beat horses,
try yoga,
try truth,
try horse racing,
try talking,
try planet gazing,
try moon-bathing,
try looking at what they don’t want to,
try remembering,
try forgetting,
try soothing,
try staring into horses’ eyes,
try listening,
try breathing,
try researching,
try breathing,
try compartmentalizing,
try breathing,
try to feign interest,
try to wear each others’ star studded skin

 

***

 

In act III
the scientist takes the coward’s way out
& no one saw it coming

This is an opera of bad decisions,
of fuck-all,
because the end is nigh

Denial dialogue
skirts the edges of every scene
& if you listen closely you’ll hear

all of the under-the-breath whispers
we know we’re guilty of when we can’t
look anyone in the eye when they ask us things

 

“Sometimes, I hate you Justine…”

 

Justine honors the Earth & doesn’t care about anyone’s feelings,
including her own

Justine has accepted,
& Justine probably knows she’s shit,
but speaks with a holy glow in her voice

Justine can’t believe
her sister isn’t thinking
about her son

Justine always believed
that she was the bad
& selfish one

 

(Charlotte’s Inner Monologue)

 

I want to go peacefully,
sitting on the ground,
surrendering to the big blue,
the great green

I glance at your eyes
that swirl with a mixture
of what they see,
wide open turquoise

I keep mine shut tight,
I don’t want to look,
I don’t want to see
the end of everything

 

****

 

In the final frame
Justine is statuesque

while Charlotte appears
as a shaking silhouette

 

Fin.

 

 

napowrimo2018

 

* Author’s Note :  This piece is inspired by one of my favorite films, “Melancholia” (2011).

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 20: “Transitions”

hotairballoon

 

 

Transitions // by Jennifer Patino

 

Sometimes
you have to slip under
the murky water
to see what emerges
once the floods dry up

Spotlights
scatter across the sky,
searching, and the moon shines
like an open eye
unable to look away

Scenes
bleed in to each other,
ink blots in olive oil,
and your throat is a
sponge absorbing reactive tears

Soon
a new surface approaches–
a place to rise to,
a soft spot to land on,
a home for a lost survivor

Spaces
fill with a flow of blood
and leave footprints
beneath your skin
while the helicopters circle overhead

Strength
means you’ll cling to this mud
and wait for the vertigo,
for waves of paranoia nausea,
and for feelings of wounded exposure to pass

 

napowrimo2018

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 18: “You’re the Only One I’ve Told This To”

pixelatedeye

 

 

You’re the Only One I’ve Told This To // by Jennifer Patino

 

You told me my every day voice sounds different,
and it’s because it’s actually mine

For once, I took a shoulda and
made a “would you look at that”

I was heard this time, not just
background music,   or a surface scene track

So when you decided to write off my sophomoric soliloquies,
you crumbled the last best year of my life

to the dust and dirt,          where my Gram went
that summer when I returned barely speaking

I wrote barely skimming my grief,   and my
escape routes, my admitted defeat

I wrote constantly with you in mind,   I sang
all the songs you requested

I took all of your recommendations to heart,
so now is not the time to start aiming

suggestions scaled to fit you at me;
We live in a world where comments are over-encouraged,

sour honey sentiments
and poisonous passive aggressive barbs

No blockade can make you un-see,
and no dull blade will make you un-feel

No, you are not going to un-hear me
here in this pixelated Paradise,

in this high-speed Hell            You will
make sure I spill it all like rose oil,

You will sniff toxic LA air in so deeply
to try and cover up the sickly, sweet smell
of my decaying truth

 

napowrimo2018

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 17: “Storm Signal”

storm

 

 

Storm Signal // by Jennifer Patino

 

I am impaired
by a newcomer’s eyes, sunken emerald treasures.

I clutch a choked bubble
of fresh air, a pearl-lined pocket of life,

in the center of my throat.
Clarions blare in my heart,

but I choose not to run.
You are both angelic & terrifying.

Clouds circle overhead & I
think of the meaning of ‘uncanny’.

 

                                   They are lions,
these storm clouds.  I feel hunted.

 

You start to speak,
& there is no thunder in your voice.

My knees feel the ground give way.
My stomach turns to raindrops,

but I am shocked to be so soothed.
I cave in.  My head wraps

around your words
that you spill with such ease.

Yes, I’d like shelter.
Yes, I’m alright with taking your hand.

You make me feel human.
I can taste the puddles

cooling on the pave in the sunlight
already.  If there is a rainbow

spanning the fickle sky after
this spastic storm, then I will be sure

that this is the moment I fell in love.
If not, we will drift apart, & this day will be buried.

I hear a pearl drop.  A bubble
pops, & pride retreats as you lead me safely away.

 

napowrimo2018

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 16: “Ennui”

flowerbackground

 

Ennui // by Jennifer Patino

 

The fierce energy of the wind has left me

In its mighty wake,
I am in a state of hypnagagia

My flesh is wood that cannot be bent
yet my mind is workable clay
being shaped by disconsolation

 

I appear to be involved

It is stoic engagement,
an automatic arrangement

I exist within a sphere
of massive physicality
yet I feel superfluous

 

I am the sun at its peak

It seems so stagnant
as it projects its luster

My lackadaisical passions
are scalded away in a cleansing blaze
while I wither in tedium

 

napowrimo2018

 

 

#NaPoWriMo – Day 14: “The Plummet”

plummet

 

 

The Plummet // by Jennifer Patino

 

I’m trapped inside a vicious nightmare,
my own body a prison

How does one fight
something that exists
so deep inside?

To remove it
would mean to die
with lack of grace
like the rebel angels
when they fell

When they plummeted down to Earth
only to find
a new version
of a cyclic hell

Over and over,
and over again
choices echo
like whirlwinds

The only sound
answering back
is the howling
and the occasional
knock on the window
from a frightened
tree branch
that tried fruitlessly
to escape its master

The oak trunk
just outside
my battered window
stands tall,
stands proud,
stands strong,
stands its tilled ground

Its strength won’t let me go
no matter how
wicked the winds blow

Barely lucid & paled
are my eyes as they stare,

They find nothing there
but silence
as my innards sear and burn

Look closely and
you’ll see reflecting
off the orange lights, the turn
of my hallucinatory haze

A glimpse,
a shudder,
one gasp,
one tear

One minute turns in
to so many days

If this ship
is emptied,
with no one on board,
my ears will still hear
my own screams,
and the air
will still be
thick with suffering
you can cut through
with a sword

Pierce me now,
end it quick,
for the clocks tick
with every fluttering blink

The spectators choose
to stay blind,
they turn their heads
and count to ten

They pray for forgiveness
as I descend,
alone

I am welcomed
by demons
disguised as men,
but a part of me remains,
surrounded by friends

Time stops,
it restarts,

and it will forever
begin again

 

napowrimo2018

 

* Author’s Note: Another revision today. This one was originally written in 2009 under a different title I wasn’t very happy with. This makes more sense & I have changed a lot of it. The added stanzas to the original give the poem more depth & I included more rhymes because it was losing its flow near the end. I remember exactly where I was when I wrote it along with the scene & the emotions I was trying to portray, & I believe I’ve done a better job articulating it now that I’m so far removed. I don’t even want to share the original here because it’s pretty awful! 😀